Yes, that's right a 70 year old man wants a paternity test. For years, he looked at his children and with love in his eyes - still thought - one of you just ain't possible. I was away in the Military, I was away on business (ala Mad Men) - your mother and I were not together the nine months (or 39 weeks) before. Although I wouldn't love you any less - I always wonder - are you really my child?
Your mother has passed and even if she was here - I would never embarrass or hurt her - I loved her too. I know myself, and I would forgive your mother any transgression but maybe she knew me just as well and so kept her secret locked up tight. In those days, although we were hitting the "sexual revolution", our circle of friends and family, would not be so tolerant of such a transgression. In fact, it was for that reason, that I never mentioned my doubts to your mother. If she thought I knew something, she may have confided in a friend. And a secret shared is a secret told. I loved her and our family life too much.
Now, as I enter my senior years, and have time on my hands, my mind wanders back to those days and I still cannot calculate or confirm to myself the circumstances. If I had only kept a journal of my travels, I would have a clearer idea of where I was on the night of conception. I do remember thinking, you were an early baby (premie) but years later when I looked at the Birth Certificate, it confirmed you were born at full term.
I've written my will and all of my children are entitled to my estate - we lived and loved as a family - no matter what our DNA says. Your mother kept us together and through the grace of God we are here to witness her goodness. I vaguely remember thinking, when I first saw one of those Reality TV shows, that I should find a way to discreetly help myself remove these thoughts. But, I'm not like those people on the TV and there was no way to do something like that without your mother finding out. She had a way with information.
Today, I met a woman in a local parking lot. She told me a way to find out - not that I will do anything with this information, you will never know - but I will finally be able to stop the constant chatter in my head about being your father. I will love you just the same; perhaps I would broach the subject with you to see if you had any similar thoughts (every child does deserve to know his/her biological parent) but if I saw any surprise or question in your eyes - the subject would be closed forever. I have no right to upset your life as it is now. But I do sit and wonder - are you my child?