Reminder about Unfaithful Husbands
As if we are not all bombarded on a daily basis with fears, uncertainties and problems in life - let's highlight one more for all the ladies (and men) to think about as we slowly ease into the holiday season. Please, I need to get passed Halloween and Thanksgiving before I can get into "holiday" mode.
However, in times of stress, and that is eustress and distress, infidelity cases increase - not necessarily a by-product of a marriage or a cohabitation relationship but more a by-product of financial problems, extra time on your hands, unresolved emotional issues, availability and access to anonymous sex through social media sites (thoughts about the Craig's List Killer should eliminate some activity) and don't forget facebook - how many quick hookups have taken place by "friending" someone from 20 years ago and then remembering the reasons why you didn't stay friends in the first place! And of course, once a cheater always a cheater. People rarely change their stripes - perhaps control for a short while as they mature - but without a profound life-change event - if you cheated in your 20s you are bound to cheat in your 30s, 40s, 50s.... Ladies, you just can't fix everyman that walks into your life- some are only meant for fun - others are meant for life.
I don't believe for one minute that Ashton cheated on Demi - it was a cheap publicity stunt - probably set up with the extras from the set of the show that aired October 18th. It all seems too coincidental. Without ever having met Ashton, he seems to be closer to the character he now plays on 2 1/2 Men, then to someone who cheats on his wife in a very public venue.
Just as a reminder, if you think you partner is cheating here are some tips to follow:
1.) hushed phone calls or a quick I'll call you back when there is no reason why he/she can't have a conversation right there in front of you
2.) missing time - I'm going to the store for milk and then showing up 8 hours later without the milk?
3.) check cellphone records, deleted messages, email accounts, facebook status, does he close the screen quickly as you walk in the room?
4.) old stand bys - is he/she coming home smelling freshly showered and shaved and primped - why? check out his/her clothing - are there any unusual smells or stains? Put the garment in a paperbag and bring it to the DNA Lady to determine the presence of male DNA (not yours) or female DNA (not yours) - or simply determine if the stain is semen - which you know should not be there?
5.) mileage on his car - if he/she only drives 5 miles to work everyday but comes home with an extra 40 miles on his/her car - where did he/she go that day? Ask before you mention the difference in mileage.
6.) are there charges on his/her credit card for items for the opposite sex - like perfume or cologne - or jewelry or clothing that you didn't receive?
Unfortunately, once you get that doubt in your mind, or mistrust about your partner - it is often hard to remove it without some kind of concrete information. Even then, when clients receive information it is often hard for them to accept. Always know your next step, if you are going to push for DNA Testing to confirm an infidelity. There are usually more than two people involved - you might have children to think about, in-laws, siblings -not to mention the "other women" or "other men" involved in this situation.
FAQs and Infidelity and a Little Common Sense
Do you think your spouse is cheating? Do you think your other half is searching outside your hemisphere? Think twice about cheating on your spouse because today's better half has access to infidelity tests that will blow your mind.
Submit a bedsheet and we'll tell you if we find someone's else's DNA on there - should there be anyone else's DNA on your home bedsheet?
Submit an article of clothing that should not have any other male DNA or any other female DNA on it and we'll confirm for you - how many DNA profiles are present on that article and if they belong to you or your spouse - or someone else.......
The most commonly submitted item is, of course, the Pink Panty. Do women who wear Pink Panties always cheat? Or do the men who date them just get paranoid? No, but the most commonly item submitted in the last year was a certain secret brand of lady's lacy pink panty. From a clinical perspective, these pink panties don't look very healthy - they seem to create a humid environment which only breeds disease.
Here are some top tips from local sites about signs of infidelity and accompanying these tips are also some very basic common sense thoughts. Most of the top tips about signs of infidelity don't seem to have changed since the days of MadMen - except of course those related to internet use and prescriptions for ED. If you are one of the relationships who have suffered through internet cheating - fear not, you are not alone.
- Your partner seems to lose interest in you and lacks affection - but have you made an effort to keep yourself interesting and attractive - this goes for both sexes and both sides of the partner equation. If you don't shave, take showers, brush your teeth and wear clean clothes - don't expect the lady in your life to take a shine to your new personal habits. Likewise ladies - put on a little make up and get rid of that "I'm too tired to... housewife routine" - there's too many available fishes in the sea. We don't live on farms anymore.
- You notice your partner has become lazy around the house - "has become" or have you just "lost patience" with being the major "go to" person in the house for cleaning, cooking, shopping and dog walking/cat litter jobs. Think back, didn't you always just do it - because you do it better?
- Work habits suddenly change (longer hours, unexplained trips) - OK this one is tricky but old - longer hours - could also mean cut backs at work and more work is expected of less people - pop in on him/her and bring in a snack - don't be intrusive and don't stay too long
- Becomes overly conscious of his appearance - also a very old sign of infidelity and probably one of the best indicators
- Unusual charges found on credit-card statements - if you are in the type of relationship wherein you have to inspect each other's credit card bills - you need professional help anyway - find a PI to follow your partner. Just in case the love of my life is reading my pearls of wisdom - any charges for jewelry in the next weeks better appear under my Christmas Tree.
- Unfamiliar calls of a long duration on cell bill - really, who has the time to inspect those 8 page cell phone bills but just in case - you can always do a "reverse phone look up" and find out who owns the "unfamiliar" phone number. Don't pay anything over $20 per look up - you won't get any additional information worth knowing.
- Spends an unusual amount of time on the Internet (especially while you are sleeping) - is he/she looking for a new job? Is it their job to know what is going on in markets other than those in your time zone? Are they shopping for your next anniversary gift or the best grass fertilizer in town? Are t hey googling the streets of the town where they were born?
- Starts using a new e-mail account - how would you know?
- Begins deleting web-browsing history - OK this one I would check - why delete the history of web-browsing - don't they automatically delete after a certain period of time and/or when the amount exceeds the space allowed for history lists?
- Mileage on car is higher than it should be - only if you know for years that your spouse uses only one route from point a to point b - otherwise, traffic, mcdonald's, starbucks, detours (in our shovel ready society) may all lead to false assumptions;
Infidelity is not a laughing matter and I don't mean to be flippant. Spending time and energy trying to determine if someone is cheating is a waste of your life. If he/she is cheating - most probably you have no control over the individual and even confronting them will not stop the behavior. Getting conclusive results from a local DNA collector may allow you to move on faster than if you continue to wonder, snoop, investigate or battle on your own.
Infidelity and the Holidays
It's the most wonderful time of the year.....
Well, not when you find receipts for items purchased at Victoria's Secret
or the local jewelry store and then don't find the corresponding gift under the tree.
Where there is smoke - there is fire. If you think you have a problem you probably do - otherwise you would be thinking of sugarplums and pumpkin pie instead. Unless you usually have voices in your head, then that is another blog for another day and a different kind of DNA test
is an ugly thing with far reaching affects on an individual and a family. I've personally never understood why you can't just be honest and say - honey, I love you but I'm just not a one woman man or I'm just not a one man woman... whatever, today's society doesn't care or judge so why not just be honest about your intentions. Learned recently you are judged by your actions, not by your intentions...
Whatever your circumstances, it is often wise to be discreet and make no claims or judgment until you have facts in hand. If you are able to safely approach the offender with a DNA test in hand,
stating it is not your DNA
, it is your DNA
or there is DNA
here and why is it here - you have a better chance of getting an honest answer. As always, be prepared to deal with emotions and unexpected responses. Did you find an article that has a substance or stain on it that should not be? Would you like to determine if strange DNA
is showing up in places it ought not to? Would you like to compare the DNA
found somewhere to that of your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/better half/other half?
While most DNA testing
centers concentrate on family relationship (paternity) tests, many also offer infidelity testing. DNA can be obtained from almost any article - although depending on age and storage - not all DNA produces a profile for comparison. It is always best to ask your local DNA collector
for advice on how to collect or store an item that you want to test for "unknown" DNA. To begin with, always store the item in an envelope or paper bag - do not store items to be tested for DNA in plastic.
Why go through another holiday, wondering what he bought "her" or how much she spent on "the other guy". Get confirmation via DNA testing
today and spend the holidays without the added stress. Infidelity is like the big elephant in the room - everyone knows it is happening but no one wants to say anything because it is "the holidays".
Infidelity Tests Available in New Jersey
A Local DNA Collection Facility explains Use of DNA Testing for Infidelity Cases
OK - so you have found a sheet, a pair of underwear, a blanket, a condom or some other item in a place that it should not be found. You suspect your partner of cheating but finding this article really doesn't prove anything. What can you do?
First, you must figure out how important it is to you to know the truth. Will it give you peace of mind to confirm that the semen and/or biological fluid on that sheet does not belong to you. What is the next step in your life if you do prove that your partner has been unfaithful? Doing the research and making your point can distract you from the consequences of Infidelity tests results. These are life changing events, especially if children are involved. So only if you are absolutely positive you know what you will do with results of these tests, should you go forward.
The very first thing to be aware of - do not store articles to be tested for biological fluids in a plastic bag or container. A plastic bag creates a humid environment which assist in deterioration of DNA and other biological fluids. Any item you want to be tested for biological fluid should be stored in a paper bag, envelope or other suitable container. Semen Detection Tests
- these are cheap, easily obtainable via the internet and if you only want to determine that Semen is found on an article then by all means, use the internet for your research. However, after determining that Semen is, or is not, present on the article - what does that prove? Is it your semen? A simple semen detection test will not tell you whose Semen is on the article only that Semen is present. A simple semen detection test will also not advise if there is a presence of female fluid. What if the Semen detection kit you bought over the internet does not pick up the presence of Semen but you still have a question about why or how the article was found where you found it or why there appears to be some biological fluid present? The internet Semen Detection Kits will only test for male biological fluids, specifically the prostate specific protein found in semen.
A professional DNA Infidelity Detection Services
company has a standard set of tests to assist you with true infidelity questions. Your local DNA collection expert
can guide you through a step by step process, based on your unique circumstances, to best identify what tests to take to identify the questionable articles and fluids. When you receive our results, using the tests we recommend, you will have clear and definitive answers to your questions. That is why we first emphasize the importance of really knowing what you want to achieve by taking these tests.
Our first recommendation in Infidelity Testing is to detect for the presence of specific biological evidence, either male or female, dependent on your situation. There are two main types of detection services, with two additional back up tests, that are used to confirm the presence of DNA and the presence of Semen.DNA Detection - Y-Chromosome
- this test is most commonly used when a man suspects a woman of cheating with another unrelated man. The test detects the presence of the male Y-chromosome and subsequently a genetic profile of the Y-Chromosome is typed if it is present. Only men carry the Y-Chromosome so only if a male's biologic fluid is present on an article will a genetic profile be created..
If the male client suspects that an immediate male family member, ie, brother, uncle, father from his side of the family may have contributed to the sample, a DNA Detection - Standard test must be used instead since there is a possibility of similar Y-Chromosome profile present on the article or in the fluid. Note: The Y-chromosome is passed down from father to all of his sons through generations with very little mutation.
DNA Detection - Standard
This test detects the presence of both male and/or female cells. The results report will state if male, female, mixed profile of both sexes or multiple profiles of the same sex are found. If you are submitting a DNA sample of yourself for comparison purposes, and if multiple genetic profiles of different sexes are found in this DNA Detection Standard test, then a Differential Extraction Study will be necessary prior to proceeding with the DNA Comparison.DNA Differential Extraction
A differential extraction test is used to separate male and female cells in a mixture of biological evidence. This test must be used if the initial sample results shows the presence of male and female profiles.DNA Comparison
This test is used to compare a standard DNA sample (usually an oral swab) of the client, to a submitted article that has been processed through one of the above mentioned DNA Detection Services methods to a generate a genetic profile. A report will indicate a match or non match to the items submitted for detection.
The most important thing to consider is what are you going to do with the results. Call us for a confidential screening 732-632-8830 on what type of tests to consider, the costs involved and the turn-around time for results. Since the samples submitted to us are not collected under a New Jersey's strict chain of custody laws, the results of these tests may not be defensible in a court of law.